The Gilmore Girls Did Not Prepare Me for Marriage
Fall in love with someone who doesn’t make you think love is hard. -Anonymous
I was perusing the interwebs the other day and I came across this quote on Pinterest.
From a quick glance and move on perspective many people may not realize how this type of thinking could play out in their own relationships. Some may think “Yes! This is exactly what I am looking for ,or “If only a man out there like this existed…”
When my husband and I started dating, he was the first man to ever call me out in love about my heart issues. I had no idea the amount of unforgiveness, anger, and fear I was holding onto. Of course, when we are called out in our sin our first reaction is not often resulting in a bear hug of thankfulness for them making you see the light. ( If this is you? Oh Bless you…)
My reactions came from the overflow of what existed in my heart, which meant it was not always pretty. I started to become discontent.
The reality is, love and marriage is not easy. Sin is painful. Happiness is not pursuable because it is ever changing. Contentment is pursuable because it is rooted in Christ, who is unchanging.
Marriage is designed for the purpose of becoming holy and more like Christ.
All I know is Gilmore Girls could not have prepared me for this…
To be content in my marriage meant that I needed to run to God and ask him what it means to be in a marriage that is glorifying to him. Then be willing to have him show me the areas in which I needed a full on rehabilitation of my thinking.
To erase my views and expectations that I had learned growing up watching tv shows, listening to pop songs, and even the marriages I saw with my own eyes. I needed to start with a blank slate, that was based on Jesus and him alone.
God started to reveal to me that being content in my marriage meant quite a few things:
- Having a strong foundation in knowing where your identity comes from is crucial in marriage. The thing is, my husband is human! He is sinful as well, and so to be content in my marriage meant that I needed to know up front that Jose would disappoint me. That grace and understanding would be a pivotal part of being married. Forgiveness should be handed out not when my husband deserves it, but out of the thankfulness of the grace that is given to me daily from God. I still struggle with the truth that my identity in Christ still exists, even when my husband and I are not on the same page.This is a work in progress.
- I started to realize that the biggest obstacle in my marriage is not my husband, finances, school, his mistakes, but it was me. I am the biggest obstacle in my marriage.To be content meant that I needed to truly surrender my marriage to The Lord. To hand him my marriage knowing he is working on Jose. Working on the man of God he is creating him to be, and I needed to focus on my walk with Jesus and the woman he is creating me to be. The state of your vertical relationship (You & God) is what allows you to have healthy and God honoring horizontal relationships (You & Others).
- Lastly, is comparison. Deadly comparison that likes to seep into our thoughts and make us feel like what we have is not good enough. It is that instagram post that you saw of your friend and her husband going on vacation, or the flowers that her husband brought home just because, or the sweet hand holding you see while on a double date. Comparison will kill the beautiful marriage that God has given you.
It will discourage the man you love and create an environment of insecurity. I know this because I have walked on this road before. Sister, look at your husband with a thankful heart. Look at the man that God is molding before your eyes (remember sanctification is rough!), and as I type this I am saying this to myself as well. Be thankful that God has chosen you above all other women to walk with your husband and be there to witness and see the man of God he is laying out before you.
Being content in marriage can be a struggle because our flesh will always be looking for more. To be content is to keep our desires in check, and if they are not in line with what God has for you as his daughter, and you as a wife. Chuck ‘em out of the window! His desires for you will always be sweeter, than the temporary fix we tend to cling onto.
Contentment will not happen overnight, but embrace the process, sister! I promise you it will be worth it.
Note: If you are in a relationship that is abusive and harmful, this is not a post for you to learn how to be content. Sister, please reach out to someone you trust that can help you get out of this environment, and truly know that you are a beloved daughter of a King.