If You're Single (and Tired of It)
The uncertainty of knowing when or if you’ll ever meet “the one.”Feeling the need to be at every social event so you don’t accidentally miss out on fate. The nights of crying in frustration because you’re so over being single. Having to navigate through dating (that’s a whole other blog for another day!). Feeling the pressure to look good enough to attract someone. Third-wheeling. Feeling so awkward during wedding season. Feeling super happy but also like something’s a little wrong with you when your friends, one by one, leave the single club as they fly off into relational bliss…
S I N G L E L I F E.
Trust me, I know the struggle. But I want to bring you some good news:
It will all be so worth it one day. Promise.
Here’s my story.
“What would your life look like without any fear?”
These words woke my heart up about 4 years ago. At that time, I had my future all planned out: I was going to finish college, marry the guy I was with, get a good job, and settle into a normal little life. I mean, what else was there to do? But that day, I felt God say to me, “What’s the difference between those that live an average, status quo life and those that make history? Fear. I’m a God of the IMPOSSIBLE. I have plans for you beyond your wildest dreams, but you’re going to have to trust me with your WHOLE heart for me to take you there.”
I had never taken the time to be happy with just myself. For me, relationships always represented stability, safety, and protection from loneliness. Giving up the relationship I was in was literally me giving up everything—my life plan, my security, and my comfort. But I started to burn for more than just the comfortable little life I had planned out. So after some back and forth with myself, I took the plunge and became single. There have been different guys here and there since then, but nothing has quite worked out yet. Has it been hard, stretching, and overwhelming at times? Yes. But I’ll tell ya, I’d go through all of that again in a heartbeat if I had to, to gain what I have now.
If you’re single and just over it, I want to encourage you with what I’ve learned.
Here are 5 reasons why being single is so so important:
- Singlehood teaches you who you are – There’s really nothing like having time in your life where it’s just you and God with no other person involved. With a boyfriend, I was always thinking, “Okay, how can we better love God together? How can we keep Him the center of our relationship?” But I had never taken time to do that on my own as an individual. And that is CRUCIAL. I remember there were some nights where I’d lay awake in bed crying, feeling anxious and lonely as heck, and I had no one else but God to talk to about it. It was in those helpless, emotional moments that the peace of God filled my room and heart like never before. I finally experienced PERFECT LOVE from the very Creator and epitome of it. Loving and being loved by God teaches us who we are.
- It taught me my life’s purpose – The possibilities of what your life can become are literally limitless. When you’re single, God has the space to do anything He wants in your life without it affecting another person. Being single has given me the freedom to discover what I was created for. I discovered my passions for writing, speaking, worship-leading, and a fire ignited within me to use all those things to help make the world a better place.
- Being single builds confidence – It’s forced me to get out of my comfort zone in SO many ways. I was so used to always having a boyfriend to go to things with. If I wanted to, I could sit back and let him be the social one, or we could feed off each other’s energies, or whatever. Not having that made me learn to be my own person. I became confident in my voice, my personality, and the qualities I bring to different environments.
- These days are just as valuable as any other season – One day you’ll be married to the person of your dreams, and your days will be full of chasing after kids, working, running a household, date nights, and all the other fun stuff that comes with marriage. But as for right now, how freeing is it to be able to do as you please? Want to take a spontaneous road trip with friends? Go for it! Travel to a part of the world you’ve never seen? Do it (it’s way cheaper now than it’ll be paying for your kids someday). Want to move to a new city? Nothing’s really stopping you. EVERY day is a beautiful blessing! Let’s not waste this precious season wishing for the next one.
- Your value isn’t determined by your relationship status.
- Being single lays the foundation for your future marriage – I’ve heard it said that marriage isn’t two halves making a whole, it’s two wholes coming together for a greater purpose. If marriage, (the union of two people) is the house, then both people making sure they’re individually healthy and ready is the foundation. I would not know how to lay my life down for another person if I didn’t first lay my life down to God. I wouldn’t know how to properly love my future spouse without first experiencing the true, perfect love of God. Nor would I have learned good self-control had I not surrendered my whole life and learned my value in God’s eyes. I wouldn’t know who to look for without understanding who I am, what I’m called to, and what God has called me to do with my future spouse someday.
So PLEASE go through the hard stuff to get to the REALLY GOOD stuff.
Friend, I promise you, the dream is worth the wait. Keep your eyes on God. The singleness, all the confusing dates, the uncertainty of when or if your special someone will ever come along…it will all be worth it. Pray for your future. Pray for the person God will bring into your life. And when you’re so in love and fixated on the Lord, and He knows the timing is right, He will plop the most amazing gift right into your lap.
I’ve heard it said, “God takes a long time to act suddenly.”
You’re SO loved, and I’m praying for you! God sees you, He knows what your heart longs for, and He also loves you too much to jip you of the growth and refinement process you deserve. The choices you make now lay the foundation for your future love. So don’t just endure being single, ENJOY it! It’s one of the most special times of your life!
"What would your life look like without any fear?" is the question God challenged me with a few years ago. Ever since, it's become my life's mission to empower girls to live fearlessly in their singleness, relationships, and everyday lives. As a current psychology student, in my writing I love for others to gain practical and psychology insight while feeling like they've having a conversation over coffee with a friend. Read more on Angela's blog: www.doseofhope.us. Images by Sarah Schweyer.